Went to Clementi today, my grandparents hse.. Yup it still my grandparents hse in my heart.. The trip back is the 1st after what happened to my mum.. It amplify the impact on me.. The loss i suffered, the pain i went thru, the love i miss.. The emptiness set upon me once again just that i didnt really show it..
Memories started flowing back.. My grandma, my mum, me imagining them still in the hse doing what they use to do.. The memories hit me hard bringing me back to reality once again made me realise how the past yr had gone past especially these 2 mths..
The loss of my mum really hurt me alot.. still cant accept the fact. been thinking of what i had been doing with her the few weeks before she was admitted to hospital.. My mum last birthday celebration..the final few weeks.. i felt that i cud have been a better son which nw i dont have the chance to.. the last conversation i had with her.. the last time she spoke to me.. the promises i made to her, the promises she made to us.. the last time she gave me a firm grip..
Is god being unfair to her or to us? Why is she taken away under such circumstances? Wishes not fulfilled, missions nt accomplished.. I dont really like meeting my relatives anymore since my grandma death even though they are great. I dont know why.. Maybe its becos i am hiding the fact that i wasnt really affected by what happen.. Its even worse right now after my mum..
Every home coming used to be normal.. Nothing special. Now whenever i come home, i just have a sense of not so right facing me.. something missing in life, i think even toby is missing my mum.. his mummy hasnt been home to bring him out for his walks.. the pamper my mum shower on him.. he has been barking for nothing sometimes looking in the empty space, maybe he saw my mum? i hope he did at least i know that my mum is back to visit us.. what i wish for is to dream of my mum and get to speak to her n seeing that she is fine.. i really wish for...
Used to be happy boy is now a not so happy guy.. I know that i have been trying to pity myself over what happened but i just cant get over it. No one can really undestand my anguish and pain..
Anyway thanks the ppl ard me for being with me trying to cheer me up..
